I’ve recapped season one of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in limericks. Why? Don’t ask me. I am sitting here with muscle aches and trying to think of something low-impact to do while the casserole cooks.

Welcome to the Hellmouth

S1 E01: Welcome to the Hellmouth

There was a teen-aged girl called Buffy,
Who thought “James Spader needs to call me!”
Meets Xander and Willow,
And a tall dark fellow,
Said, “Gee, can you vague that up for me?”
The Harvest

S1 E02: The Harvest

Darla nabbed Jesse to act as bait.
Deep down below the Master did wait.
Luke serves as the vessel,
On the stage they wrestle,
And the Master will need a new date.

S1 E03: The Witch

Tryouts, pom-poms, and Amber’s on fire.
For Joyce coaching ain’t her desire.
Catherine Madison:
“Youth’s wasted on the young.”
Amy’s witch mom will shortly retire.
Teacher's Pet

S1 E04: Teacher’s Pet

Kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before:
Ms. French’s biology is MORE.
Blaine and Xander are caged,
Bat sounds make her enraged,
That egg case the boys dare not explore.
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

S1 E05: Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

The Annointed is coming around.
Owen at the funeral home found:
Here endeth the lesson,
Emily Dickenson…
And from Buffy he now must rebound.

S1 E06: The Pack

Hyaenas like to prey on the weak.
An act of aggression do they seek.
Xander now joins the pack,
Herbert’s ribs they did crack…
After Flutie won’t eat for a week.

S1 E07: Angel

Caught in an alley by The Three,
With Angel from vampires did they flee.
When a kiss touched a cross
(Can’t stand happy, our Joss),
Gypsy-cursed, staked his sire, still not free.
I, Robot... You, Jane

S1 E08: I, Robot, You Jane

Monks bound the Corrupter to a book.
Scanned into the network sets the hook.
The circle of Kayless,
The demon to suppress,
Zapping the robot is what it took.

S1 E09: The Puppet Show

There once was a cursed dummy called Sid
Who decided to work with a kid.
Demon needed a brain,
Caused Giles to exclaim,
Afraid he would be losing his lid.

S1 E10: Nightmares

Buffy fails the history test.
Spiders, opera, Xander’s not dressed.
Billy cannot wake up
Fearing next batter up.
Kiddy league coach we now will arrest.

S1 E11: Out of Mind, Out of Sight

Mitch got the bat in the locker room,
Harmony pushed and fell with a boom.
Cordelia, May Queen,
Prettiest girl we’ve seen.
Marcy Ross is invisible doom.
Prophecy Girl

S1 E12: Prophecy Girl

Sixteen years old, future looks gritty.
“I may be dead, but I’m still pretty.”
In Buffy we trusted:
The Master is dusted.
“We saved the world, I say we party.”